I am officially calling a moratorium on all holidays in which people feel guilted compelled to buy each other extravagant presents in order to show their love for each other.  At what point do we stop this nonsense?  Seriously.  I am not a hooplah person and anyone that knows me knows that for sure.  I wore jeans to my own wedding and spent like $3000 total for our budget, for Christ’s sake.  I did not expect, but really do appreciate, my gifts from that day.  However, I think that enough is enough.  So, to anyone that I know in "real life" that reads my blog:  Happy/Merry Your Kid’s First through Twenty First Birthday, Anniversary, Christmas, Divorce, Marriage, Your Birthday, Your Thirtieth Birthday, Your Fourthieth Birthday, Any Other Birthday that is considered a Milestone if you have lived that long, New Baby, and whatever else I may not have covered.  Now go out and buy yourself something that you really want with the money that you would have spent on my Birthday.  As I just mentioned, you are off the hook for that this year.  And I was going to ask for a new camera, so you have a lot of money to work with. 

Cramps?  Check.  Headache?  Check.  Cried three times today for almost no reason?  Check. 

I feel bloated and icky and like nothing in my life is okay.  Mostly money stuff, not the rest.  Damn I hate thinking about these types of things though.  Why can’t I just have money?  Or even make what I’m worth?  That’s all I’m asking for God, just a little break.  Just to get ahead and be able to afford to live comforably. 

I start a new job tomorrow.  Wish me luck on filling out my W-4’s for three hours. 

Could I possibly love one single thing more than her?  I don’t know if it’s possible.  She got in bed this morning with me after going outside to potty and snuggled me so tight cause I wasn’t feeling good.  Her snout was in my neck and we just fell back asleep.  Here are some pictures of what she looks like after a long walk.  She gets "broke".

I love reading mimismartypants.  She is such a great writer and her stories about Nora her "adult like child" kill me.  If you don’t read her, you must start.  Here is the funniest thing I’ve read lately for sure.

Besides the assertions that Nora will be both a turtle and a plate-spinning circus performer when she grows up, other recent career ambitions include having large breasts (I hate to say it, baby, but your heritage works against you here) and driving a "dumper truck." Apparently LT and I are going to accompany her, because she added that while she will drive, we will have to help her work the levers. Although I will love my adult child no matter what, the thought of a silicone-breasted female construction worker with an unhealthy attachment to her parents, who moonlights in the circus and spends weekends dressing up like a turtle, does kind of give me chills. Of course, if we all had to stick by the career ambitions we had as preschoolers, I would be Popeye the Sailor Man right now.

My legs are progressing faster than the rest of me, which always seems to be the case with me.  Here are this week’s legs in comparison to week one and two.  Better. 

Week One

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Somehow today I feel smaller.  All of a sudden it hit me.  Losing weight is like that.  I’m going to a step aerobics class tonight even though I’m sleepy as hell.  I went today and bought some supplements.  I waited to make sure I was going to stick with it before I bought them this time.  I usually start out by doing that, spend a cool hundred and then throw the shit away in a year once it expires and it’s untouched.  I’ve only lost like four pounds but my bodyfat has gone down about 2 percent.  I’ll measure again and take pictures next week at the four week mark. 

From ever so witty Mimi Smartypants: "That said, there is no way I could ever love my body. I am not mad at my body; I don’t hate the way it looks, and I try to appreciate the good things it does for me (like orgasms, infection-fighting, tastebuds that appreciate dark chocolate, and generally being a useful vehicle in which to keep my brain)."

Yesterday, I was in a mood from hell.  I let my anti-depressants run out on accident.  I take them at night before I go to bed, so when I woke up yesterday it had been a full 12 hours already without one.  So, I called them in and in the time until I could pick them up, I managed to get sick about three times and get a raging headache.  I had alot that I wanted to get done yesterday as well.  I was off for the day, and I could have even made it to some cool cardio classes. 

That brings me to the next thing I keep meaning to blog about.  I gave my notice yesterday at work.  I have another job offer with a different firm.  More hours and more money.  I can’t turn that down no matter how much I LOVE the people that I work with now. 

Anyway, so I leave the house around 3 and try to pay some bills and whatever.  So, I go to the ATM machine and try to get some money out.  Apparently when my credit card got lost a few weeks ago and I had to get another one, they re-entered my PIN number wrong.  So after three tries on the machine, my credit card/debit card/only way to access my money for the weekend is canceled until I go in and have it reset.  Yeah, cause I have tons of time for that kind of shit.

Then, Elvee comes home last night in almost as crappy of a mood as I was.  So, we leave to go get a pizza and are pretty much arguing about every little thing cause we are both cranky.  On the way there, we see a truck hit someone and then that person hits someone and so on.  Probably three or four cars were involved.  Well, then the guy in the truck turns off the highway, cuts across an embankment and flees.  So, I call 911 and we go around the back way to the road he got on to see if we could find him.  We drove and I’m telling Elvee that he probably pulled in someplace and ditched the truck.  Sure enough, we drive past this park and ride thing where you park to ride the bus, and there is the truck.  So, we pull up next to it and get the license plate number.  By then another guy that witnessed it all came along and said that he would wait there to see if the guy comes back while we went to tell the officer on the scene of the accident.  Yeah, good Samaritan teamwork!  So, we are on the way to go tell the officer and we see this scruffy guy sneaking around in the hotel parking lot next door.  Elvee says that he remembers the guys shirt color that was driving the truck and that is him.  Oh BOY!  So, we go to the officer on the scene and tell him the whole thing and then we go back to talk to the guy that was waiting for him by the truck.  The guy said that dumb criminal came by and left again but this man took a picture of him!  So, we stay and wait until the officer that is being sent to investigate the truck arrives and we tell him the whole thing.  So, he says that they have the guy in custody and 4 other people stopped and already identified him as the driver.  He took our phone number and will call us if they need further info.  It was so freaking fun.  I really should be a PI. 

Things are about to change around this place.  I won’t tell what just yet, but here is a hint.  Super excited!!!

Tonight was another big step for me in working out.  I went to step aerobics class.  I had not been to one of those in probably two years.  Once I got there, I just fell right into the groove that I used to love so much.  I could only do a half an hour though before I was dizzy and had to quit.  Baby steps though, man.  I just had pneumonia and was in the hospital two months ago.  I went to Old Navy today to find some new digs and it sucks cause I’m between sizes right now.  My current clothes are starting to look dumpy but the size down is still too tight.  I guess I’ll have to really do some cardio to get this weight off.  Sucks.  Today marks two whole weeks of keeping up with this new workout/nutrition thing for me.  That sucks less. 

The first pic was taken about a month ago and the second was taken today.  My legs are all that we’ve really focused on with my trainer so far due to a knee injury.  We spent alot of time stretching.  I have been doing Pilates classes and water aerobics on my own though.  Today she worked me with weights and some functional exercises with the balance ball.  Now, if I could just do my cardio like I should!

For some reason, this past week was relatively difficult for me as far as my new fitness quest goes.  I think I may need to up my fat burners to 2 a day.  Maybe I am getting used to them already because they don’t seem to really have the same punch as they did 2 weeks ago.  I’ve actually felt like napping in the afternoons again this week.  This is just such a difficult adjustment for me.  I hate having to think about every bite that I put in my mouth and whether or not I’m going to exercise for the day.  Staying motivated really is a bitch. 

On a different note, I’ve been married for a whole month now.  That’s kind of weird.  I still have yet to officially change my name.  I just don’t want to go downtown and wait in the Social Security Office for hours on my day off.  Ugh. 

I’m having a relatively crappy week with personal stuff and so, what do I want to do?  That’s right.  Eat.  I’ve done decently well with fighting temptations, but I did eat some fries yesterday.  I really think the pill has something to do with it.  I started this whole thing last week while I was on the sugar pills and no sooner than I took the regular pills, I gained like a pound and a half and I’m dehydrated and my pooping is not regular again.  I hate to quit taking it and risk getting pregnant, but damn.  I really wish men had to take the pill.  Not fair at all.  On a weird side note, I got hit on in the grocery store last night.  This guy starts talking to me and telling me how he had been admiring me.  He was a perfectly normal guy.  I know that sounded creepy.  Anyway, I had to hold up my hand and say that I was married which was almost the weirdest part.  I hadn’t been hit in in forever, so that was a definite boost to the old ego. 

If you were Jessica Simpson and you were choosing between Nick Lachey and Johnny Knoxville, who would you pick?  They are supposedly really together and as a publicity stunt, both Jessica and Johnny plan to file for divorce from the respective spouses on the day that The Dukes of Hazzard hits theatres.  I just don’t think that I’d choose Knoxville.  I mean, he’s hot in his own right, but he’s dirty kind of hot.  Nick is just plain ol hot. 

Tomorrow marks one whole week of me actually sticking to a fitness/nutrition program.  I need to look at how far I’ve come instead of how far I still have to go, so here are some of this week’s accomplishments.

1.  No fast food.  Not even once.

2.  Not even one nap. 

3.  Have gone to the gym four times. 

4.  Hired a personal trainer.  Put my money where my mouth is for once.

5.  Bathroom issues are a little better. 

6.  Referred to this as a nutrition program instead of a diet in the above paragraph!

I’m trucking right along with this diet and workout thing.  I’ve done three workouts this week and I start working with a trainer tomorrow.  I know that I shouldn’t expect to see results in one week, but I do.  I need to really vow not to get on that stupid scale but once every two weeks or so.  It just messes your mind up.  Oh, that and I took pictures of myself naked with the self timer on my digital camera.  Ha!  Talk about motivation or demotivation, depending on how hungry you are at the time.  I look like poo poo naked.  How did this happen?  I used to be hot and not even worry about this kind of shit.  I’ve got to take this seriously and get like one muscle back in my body.  I forgot that I like to be sore.  However, fat burners will make you so crazy that you will cuss out the Verizon Wireless information lady like she stole your cheeseburger.  Okay, I’m sleepy and incoherent.  I’ll let you know what this trainer girl decides I should be eating. 

Want to know the difference between Coke Zero and the seven other Diet Cokes already on the market with zero calories?  Read about it here. 

Well, I started my first steps toward getting me back today.  Thanks to Y and buffmother for the motivation.  Well, there are tons of you out there that motivate me everyday, but for some reason reading these two ladies blogs this week made it all click.  So today, I woke up and took my Thermonex for energy and it really really worked.  I didn’t want to get off of work and immediately take a nap.  Bonus!  So then, I run about seven zillion errands, one of which was to go to the grocery store and get all healthy stuff.  And I trying the yogurt 3 times a day thing.  I love yogurt so it may be something I really stick with.  Then, it was 102 degrees outside (literally) and I came home and felt all gross and was going to not go to the Pilates class at 8.  But, get this, I ACTUALLY went.  That’s a big step for me.  I can make an excuse for not working out like nobody’s business.  And I’m glad I went.  It made me realize just how much work I really need to do.  I am so out of shape.  But it also motivates me to get to the point where that class isn’t a struggle anymore.  Tomorrow I am going to have my bodyfat measured and all that so that I can have a starting point.  Something has to change and if I keep it up for long enough, it will.  Even if I have to fake it til I make it. 

I’m not sure anymore where I ran across the link to this girl, but if it was one of you guys, let me know.  She is a mother of 5 and a fitness title winner.  She has really motivated me to get back on track.  Go check her out at www.buffmother.com.  You can sign up to be a buff mother for free and get on her message boards and all that fun stuff.  And for a fee, you could have her customize a plan for you based on your individual needs.  She is so hot that it’s ridiculous and she used to be just a regular chunky girl like some of us. And no, I’m not a mother, but I want to be one next year or so and I don’t want to start my pregnancy 50 pounds overweight.  I also want to get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight easily.  Once you see her pics, you’ll know what I’m talking about.  Her plan seems really simple and easy to follow.  I’m going to have her make a plan for me next week when I get paid, so I’ll keep you guys posted.  I won’t share secrets cause you’ll have to pay her for your own individual plan, but I’ll tell you if it’s working for me for sure.  You guys have to keep me accountable.  No more talking.  I am taking action. 

Goals for the following year:

1. Continue to keep credit in top notch condition.
2. Get a job that pays me what I am worth. (at least 15 per hour with opportunity for advancement)
3. Lose at least 30 pounds. 50 would be great.
4. Decide by end of 2005 if we will keep this house and buy it or get a one story in this neighborhood.
5. Start after my 30^th birthday in trying to conceive. My Mom will be 62 and my Dad will be 64 (if we get pregnant right away) when we have the baby/2007.