Apparently, being impaled is the most popular way to die in a horror flick.

Yes, I’m a cheeseball. This is the hubs today for Halloween. I have tons of dumb ideas for costumes, so let me know if you need a cheap and easy one for tonight.

Tracy, and Big Pokey and I have fake celebrity sightings all over Austin. It’s become kind of our thing. It started with Little Brian/Big Pokey thinking he saw Art Garfunkel in the greeting card section at Big Lots on Spicewood Springs. Then, he and Tracy saw Kenny Rogers someplace. I saw Bob Dillion at HEB followed shortly after by Geraldo Rivera leaving the bank on Ben White. Then, last night Tracy and I saw Neal Diamond at the Cheddar’s on Anderson.

I find it extra funny that the one computer I didn’t block, your home, you went straight to it today to see what I wrote. I think I’m going to have to think for a while tonight on how I’m going to tell the wonderful story of KW and TW and their chiquita sidekick.

I have tracked you looking at my website through the IP address for your network that is attached to an email that you sent me from the office a few weeks ago. “The program is working now” ring a bell? You really are sick. You have looked at my site today alone 5 different times: 1:29, 2:49, 3:35, 4:34, and 4:58. You must really want me to write all about you and that crazy place. Just to let you know, the post down below called “If You Are Her Friend” was about someone else but I would love to tell my readers about you as well. No one else should be subjected to working with you. Should I call and tell the new receptionist what a freak you and your husband are? I’m sure she’d love to know that you’ve been through 26 receptionists in a year. If you want to see a copy of the email that I sent your husband, all you have to do is ask and I’ll forward it to you. He probably hasn’t let you see it because then it would mess up his plans to get around you and your snooping. You really should just stay home. You shouldn’t be at work if you are high on pills. If you weren’t the office co-owner, no one would have you as an employee. You shake constantly from all the drug and alcohol abuse and you can’t even do the job you are supposed to do which is count the damn money. You are worthless. I hope you get to read this because after today, sweetheart, you and HER are banned.

Nice try on attempting to change my blog password, you alcoholic pill popping whore. Too bad I know way more about computers than you do about hydocodine.

Enough of the serious shit for a moment. We have to talk TV right now, people. There are some things in my favorite shows of the season that need to be addressed. Feel free to add your own assessments in the comments.
1. Desperate Housewives: Where did Lynette’s bad twin boys go? Seriously, we only see that Parker kid this season. Are they on strike? Did they think we wouldn’t notice? Also, have you noticed that the women hardly get together and chat anymore? I guess there is some truth to the rumor that they hate each other.
2. Laguna Beach: Those girls called everything “random.” As in, “do you think it’s random that we hooked up?,” “Talan isn’t going to graduate with us. That’s random.” It’s annoying.
3. Nip/Tuck: I still love it but it’s a little lacking in the crazy sex scenes that make you wonder “did they just show that on TV?”.
4. Oprah: If she ran for President, I would vote for her. However, if she centers one more show around a celebrity this season, I will lose it.

Scott-O-Rama reminded me that I was supposed to tell you about the doctor. Well, I might be allergic to estrogen. Finally! It would be the reason that I have bathroom issues and weight gain and problems sleeping and hysterical episodes. I was on Yasmin for birth control pills and then I find this website talking about all the negative side effects of it. Yasmin claims to contain a “different” kind of hormone. I’m not sure why my body and the bodies of so many woman on that site have such horrible reactions to it. So, my doc took me off of birth control pills all together (scary? yes.) and we will test my hormones once the synthetic ones are out of my system. I already feel a little better though. I’ve lost like 15 pounds since July when I started my fitness quest and I hope to lose more since getting off the pill. My bathroom issues seem to be normalizing. My moods will take a little while I think. I am supposedly ovulating this week, so we’ll see. But someone is finally taking me seriously that I have all these seemingly unrelated health issues and there is just no way they can’t be explained. He agrees. He has come up with about three theories of what could be wrong and we are starting with the hormone theory. So, that’s the new deal.

Okay, let’s see the prom pics. This was me in 1993. Damn, if I could just have those perky little boobs and tiny waist back. You must post yours now. Pretty please. What is blogging if we can’t embarrass ourselves? (click for larger version to get the full effect of my hair do)

One of the funniest things that I tell people that exists in Louisiana and no one believes me is the Tur-Duc-Hen. It’s a chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey. Cajuns really know how to make the most out of their meats. Well at Wal-Mart the other night here in Austin, TX, I ran across one in the frozen food section. I guess we are trying to make all the hurricane evacuees feel at home now.

There are so many cool things to do here and the hubster and I don’t do many of them. I have composed a list of things that we need to do soon.
1. Go to the Austin Zoo.
2. Take a ride in the duck bus. It’s a tour of Austin in this bus that they drive around town and then into the lake. They even give you a quacker to quack while you are riding around.
3. Go see the bats under the bridge on Congress.
4. Go to Chicken Shit Sunday and play Chicken bingo.
5. The Cathedral of Junk.
6. Christmas lights on 37th and Guadalupe.

Anyone out there fancy a gmail account? I have 49 invites left. Leave me your email in my comments and I will send you one.

Doesn’t it just look like the cutest pair of pink panties? I am so in love with it. Lisa over at ewebscapes.com did such a great job. She had this designed and up within a matter of hours. I told her what I was thinking for a design and I could not have done it better myself (if I could). Anyway, expect me to start updating alot more frequently. I have a wonderful doctor story to tell.

Will you follow me if I change my domain name once again? I seem to think that you might. I used to blog alot more when I still loved my blog. I am trying to get it to that point again. Is it even worth it?

I work for a criminal law office and the clients aren’t always the most well mannered people. The same goes double for their children that they bring with them on appointments to discuss their Possession of Cocaine charges. Anyway, this girl came in to make a payment with her little girl in tow. The child was so out of control. She walked in the office fake crying so loud that I thought I was going to lose my mind. She was probably 3 or 4. Old enough to know better. So they walk up to my desk and the mama isn’t paying a lick of attention to what the kid is doing. First, she picks up the candle on the edge of my desk. The lit candle on the edge of my desk. I take that from her. Then, she takes all my highlighters and pens out of my holder and drops them on the floor. So, I shoot the lady a look like I might kill her kid and she puts them all back for the kid. Then, final straw where I actually had to get out of my chair and go in the other room…. the little piglet child picked up my bottled water, opened the cap, and drank it!!!! The worst part is when she picked it up, I shook my head “no” at her and she just glared at me and did it anyway. She’ll be a client in our future, I’m sure.

I go to order fast food and this is the “conversation” that takes place with the talking idiot in the speaker box:

IDIOT: Welcome to McDonald’s, can I take your order?
ME: Yeah, I’d like a #1 with….
IDIOT: That’ll be $4.06
ME: I wasn’t done. I’d like that meat and cheese only.
IDIOT: Okay, please pull up.
ME: Do you want to know what I want to drink?
IDIOT: Yes.
ME: I’d like a coke and I wasn’t done with my order.
IDIOT: ok
ME: I’d also like a #8
IDIOT: Okay, your total is $8.16.
ME: Again, on that drink…. I’d like a coke.
IDIOT: Yeah, ok.

Good God, could I just say all of it and you possibly listen without interrupting, you freaking drive through fool?