1. Lose more lbs. Like thirty more. Maybe I should take up a crack habit.
2. Have more sex. Like a whole lot more.
3. Be nicer in general. I can be a real wench.
4. Get my teaching certification and quit jacking around with law offices.
5. Continue working on my relationship with Elvee.
6. Possibly try for a baby at the end of this year or beginning of next year. This one scares me.
7. Blog more.
8. Laugh more, cry less.
9. Pay my bills on time.
10. Walk the dogs more often.
11. Get out of the house and have fun. Austin is too great to waste.
12. Cook more often, even if it is just hamburger helper. Domestic Goddess must prevail.

Okay, so me, Little Brian, and Tracy have this game where we tell each other the celebrities that we think we may or may not have seen here in Austin. It’s like the dumbiest game ever but it cracks us up. Plus, you know celebrities don’t look like themselves in real life, so anything is possible. Here is the latest roundup:
Brian saw Julia Childs at the convenient store. Yeah, we know she’s dead. She apparently isn’t so much for the cooking now that she’s a corpse. She was getting a Big Gulp. He also saw Ted Kennedy driving around town in an F-150. I thought he had drivers that did that for him, but he probably drank all his loot away and couldn’t afford them anymore.

Tracy saw Britney Spears schlepping tortillas at Chuy’s. Now, that’s low. Even for Ms. Spears’ standards. She also saw Danny Bonaduce at the mall the other day just walking around.

Tonight I saw Napoleon Dynamite’s grandma at the grocery store. She was picking out produce. Her t-shirt had Jesus on it.

JANUARY: The boy had to go to rehab for four months. He could only leave to go to work and then he had to go right back. He went in on January 18 and got out on May 12. This month I had major anal bleeding and had to go to the doctor for tests.
FEBRUARY: Had sex with the boy on the sneak and had a cyst on my ovary rupture. Worst pain ever. A week later, I had a colonoscopy to make sure all this pain wasn’t somehow related. Found out I just have a “sluggish colon.” Got my first job as a paralegal with some super folks.
MARCH: Decided that we would get married and quit playing house. Started planning our wedding. Also started obsessing about American Idol.
APRIL: Lissa’s baby shower thrown by me, Little B, and Tracy. I turned 29. Sent out the wedding invitations.
MAY: My wedding shower thrown by my bestest gal pals, Tracy and Lissa. It was so awesome. Got my Holga camera and my love for photography began. Got pneumonia and had to be hospitalized for three days. Three weeks before my wedding. Dude.
JUNE: Elvee proposed to me two days before the wedding in front of all my friends. It was so special. Then, we got married two days later. Our wedding was so fun and casual and everyone really loved it.
JULY: Started working out with a trainer and got awesome results. Started the crazy hormonal hysteria fits and got into a fight with my bestest friend. I can be such an ass.
AUGUST: Went through three jobs this month all in a quest to be a real paralegal. Law offices are very hard to deal with. Hurricane Katrina came down and ruined the city that will always have my heart. Thank God my parents came out okay. Broke up with the most poisonous friend in the world. Thank God.
SEPTEMBER: Started another job working for another group of freaking psychos that would eventually find out about my blog and stalk me through email. Thank God I know more about them than computers. It wasn’t hard to figure out. Dumbasses. Got off of birth control pills and have felt alot better since. Apparently being on synthetic hormones for fifteen years can be bad for you.
OCTOBER: Quit working for the Law Office of Travis Williamson and his psycho wife, Kelly. Decided that maybe this law office shit isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and started my training to become a teacher.
NOVEMBER: Got a job with a corporation in the legal department and I could not ask for a better job. It’s only a temporary contract though. Started participating in HNT and caused quite a stir around my house.
DECEMBER: Decided that I want a different house. Found one and now we are moving into a cute one story. Have spent all month buying things for it and fixing it up. Took a trip to Louisiana for the first time together with my new husband. Very big deal since they are racist freaks down in South LA and my husband is black/American Indian. Everyone was very nice and treated him just like family though.

The end. I hope 2006 is a little less drama filled. Then again, look at who you are dealing with here.

One of my biggest pet peeves is outsourcing. This isn’t a racist thing, but I think that it really sucks that when I call Southwestern Bell, I get a person in India. There are too many people in the US that need jobs.

Lots of pics from Louisiana below.

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We are in my house that I grew up in for Christmas. Elvee calls it “The Land that Time Forgot” or “The 70’s Called and They Want Their House Back.” Yes, it is that bad. I’ve taken tons of pictures and after I come down from all the drama that went on today (it was really really bad), then I will tell you the whole deal.

Hope you all are as ready to kill your dysfunctional families and drink yourself into oblivion as I am. Merry Christmas!

First, we are moving into a different house. It’s in our same neighborhood, but in the newer addition. It’s one story (yeah!) and about ten years newer than the one we currently live in. We are renting and will possibly buy it so you know I plan on doing a ton of renovation stuff so that I can stand it. I am crazy that way about stuff. It has to be perfect, even if I only live there two years. I will post before and after pics as soon as I’m done.

Second, as of this weekend me and the boy have officially been married for six months. They say the first year of marriage will make or break you no matter how long you dated beforehand. We dated 8 years before we got married and I have to tell you, this first year will be tough. I don’t understand how or why marriage changes the dynamics of a relationship, but it does.

Third, we are going to New Orleans to visit for Christmas. This will be the first time that we have ever gone to see my family together. It’ll be fun. We are taking the dogs with us. It’s a nine hour drive and they don’t like the car. The vet says that I can give them Dramamine. That part should be a nightmare. We’ll see. My parents have never allowed animals in their house. EVER. My dogs are spoiled brats.

Only 7 days left to buy folks lots of things that they will surely return. Merry Giftmas!

I have a weird eating disorder. No, not the fact that I can’t stop eating. That is a disorder all of its own but not the one I will tell you about today. I get weird cravings and have to eat whatever that thing is over and over and over until I am sick of it and cannot look at it ever again (or at least for a long while). Here are a list of the things that I have obsessed over in the past.
- peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
- bagels with cream cheese (They didn’t even have to be toasted. I ate like two bags one week.)
- sourdough bread toast with real butter
- bologna and cheese lunchables
- grilled cheese sandwiches with bbq chips and pickles
- campbell’s chicken noodle soup
- Jack In the Box Ciabata burgers with curly fries
- chili and cheese on anything there for a while
- HEB brownies
- Reese’s peanut butter cups
- Kraft mac and cheese spirals
- Better Cheddar crackers
- McDonald’s McRib

Today I am feeling darksided!

The one that looks like a 45 adapter on my ankle. If you don’t know what that is, you are too young to be looking at my blog.

The first tattoo he was talked into getting when he was 22. It’s a panther but now that it has faded, it’s more like a black blob.

The tattoos that every man has pretty much, but look at that arm. YUM!

Today I’m walking down the hall at work and I see what appears to be a fuzzy puppy butt on a guy’s desk. I think I’m going crazy and then I back up to take another look. Sure enough. Coco comes to work every Friday with this guy and just lays on his desk. I love this place.

Conversation that just took place in my kitchen:

ME: Nelly’s kind of hot.
HIM: Yeah, he is.
ME: Between Ludacris, Nelly, and Fiddy Cent - I would definitely choose Nelly.
HIM: I would rank it Nelly first, then Ludacris and then Fiddy.

Me too, babe. Me too.

Dude, I retain so much freaking water when I am on my period. Look at what my bra strap is doing to me. I just want my jammies. It might sleet (gasp!) here tonight and you can bet your sweet ass that Austinites will freak out and buy all the damn bread and bottled water and muck up the traffic.

Did you know that there is a RULE at Wal-Mart where in they will not write shithead on a cake? Damn them and their high moral standards! So, this had to do. My husband’s name is Elvee but LV was shorter.

I WILL have a drama free weekend. One with no tears or arguing. If this doesn’t happen, heads will roll.